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FROM THE BELLY OF THE FISH

FROM THE BELLY OF THE FISH

 Part 2—Getting Out of a Bad Situation

Depression—What causes it?

Mind/Mental Turmoil—I’m not able to do what I want to do without friction.

Body/Physical Control—The only thing I really have control over is my body…sometimes.

Spirit/Spiritual Anguish—I’m constantly aching to be free from restrictions of my mind
and body.

First Thought: I want to be FREE.

Second Thought: Get rid of the environmental restrictions. Clean the house from top to bottom. Remove any clutter, for example: things I don’t use, things I haven’t used in a while, and things I have been intending to use but am not using. [Try to gain control of the situation by implementing control over my natural surroundings. This makes me feel strong and helps me to think that victory over the situation is possible.]

Third Thought: Make decisions and write them down so that I don’t forget or get whimpy.

Decisions about:

Person—Who or what do I want to be?

Place—Am I going to stay in this physical residence with these people?

What—What actions am I going to take to better myself and condition?

When—What is the schedule for the transformation?

Why—Do I have pure motives or am I trying to hurt someone else? [This usually backfires
because a decision to change my situation and circumstances will generally hurt
someone else who desires for the situation to remain constant.]

How—Develop a strategy for accomplishing tasks that is agreeable with current situation,

resources, and expectations.

Fourth Thought: Start implementing the plan.

Fifth Thought: Realize that everything is not going to happen all at once. Rejoice in the little victories. Expect the next accomplishments.

Sixth Thought: Take note of the large victories—projects that involved many tasks.

Seventh Thought: Know that I am making my life better, I will feel better, and I will be an encouragement to others. I need to make myself strong in order to be a help to others.

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It’s Here!

It’s almost here. The attorney filed the divorce papers with the court clerk 2 days ago. I saw the address of my soon-to-be ex. I knew. There were several problems during the relationship. For some reason, I don’t know why, I feel numb.

I’ve waited. I … No! I am not going to mourn what I have already mourned. I’m done. I have a beautiful life. I am surrounded by people who love me and I love them. I have a beautiful home that I am filling with love and blossoming flowers. I am studying all the topics I have questions about and want to experience. I can plan all I want. I can work all I want. I can rest all I want. I can help others all I want. I can encourage myself. I can be me.

I had a few questions in my teen years that I didn’t explore then but have the opportunity to explore now—Who am I? What do I like to do? What do I want? I am smiling now that I have the opportunity to discover and explore and expand/develop the answers to these questions. I am an explorer—I like to ask questions and find answers. I take pleasure in education of the mind, body, and spirit. I love my God and am excited about what He has already shown me and what is to come.

Thank You, Jesus, for the freedom to be me.

From the Belly of the Fish — Part 2–Getting Out of a Bad Situation

Depression—What causes it?

Mind/Mental Turmoil—I’m not able to do what I want to do without friction.

Body/Physical Control—The only thing I really have control over is my body…sometimes.

Spirit/Spiritual Anguish—I’m constantly aching to be free from restrictions of my mind
and body.

First Thought: I want to be FREE.

Second Thought: Get rid of the environmental restrictions. Clean the house from top to bottom. Remove any clutter, for example: things I don’t use, things I haven’t used in a while, and things I have been intending to use but am not using. [Try to gain control of the situation by implementing control over my natural surroundings. This makes me feel strong and helps me to think that victory over the situation is possible.]

Third Thought: Make decisions and write them down so that I don’t forget or get whimpy.

Decisions about:

Person—Who or what do I want to be?

Place—Am I going to stay in this physical residence with these people?

What—What actions am I going to take to better myself and condition?

When—What is the schedule for the transformation?

Why—Do I have pure motives or am I trying to hurt someone else? [This usually backfires
because a decision to change my situation and circumstances will generally hurt
someone else who desires for the situation to remain constant.]

How—Develop a strategy for accomplishing tasks that is agreeable with current situation,

resources, and expectations.

Fourth Thought: Start implementing the plan.

Fifth Thought: Realize that everything is not going to happen all at once. Rejoice in the little victories. Expect the next accomplishments.

Sixth Thought: Take note of the large victories—projects that involved many tasks.

Seventh Thought: Know that I am making my life better, I will feel better, and I will be an encouragement to others. I need to make myself strong in order to be a help to others.

From the Belly of the Fish

Three years ago, I started a journal of my feelings about my failing marriage. Suffering for almost 30 years, all the children in college or pursuing their careers, I finally saw the jigsaw puzzle and how many pieces were missing or forced to fit.

As a Christian, I did not believe in divorce. It’s funny how the Holy Spirit helps me to see my prejudices and need for His mercy and grace. I felt that marriage was supposed to be “for as long as we both shall live.” I did not believe in leeway for anything, including adultery (which the Bible speaks of as a reason for divorce). I suffered so many years because I refused to see the truth—my husband’s unfaithfulness to me and God, I refused to align my beliefs with the scriptures concerning adultery and divorce, and I depended on my ideals to remain married my entire life to one husband and raise my children with their father.

I still believe that marriage is sacred and that it should be with one person for an entire lifetime. I believe others have attained and maintained this beautiful union before and with God. My marriage (notice I don’t say “our”) was based on I Corinthians 7:9, “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (NIV) We used the KJV: “But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. “Burn” to us meant burn in hell for committing fornication in our minds and with our bodies.

We were immature. We were seeking replacements for parents who emotionally abandoned us and mothers who allowed us to be kicked out of our homes by their live-in boyfriends. We were immature Christians. Over the years, we managed to stay in church and raise a family; however growth was sporadic and sometimes short-lived.

The writings in this section will be from my journey ‘from the belly of the fish.’ (Jonah)